- RANT -

Public transportation in Malaysia is HELL. Literally. Like, bloody raging pits of fire with demons kind of hell. There's no bus schedule, so you wait a minimum of at least an hour or 2 to get the bus you want. Then we get to stand cramped and squeezed between sweaty armpits, smelly hair and clothes that must have been washed during the last World War. Gaaah. Just peachy.

So we've got the ambience going, now let's settle for the service. Standing peeps, pls hold on to the railings and the strap, lest you lose your perfect balance when the perfect bus driver executes a flashy, perfect, albeit totally UN-necessary curving turn into the junction ala Initial D style. Deluded dude prob thinks he's the next Schumacher or moonlights as a crazy, ambulance driver. "Move it! Move it! Coming through! Make way for the king of the road!!!" 

Perfect isn't it? Specially for guys. The oh-so-innocent brush against that hot chick's boobs as everyone sways in the bus. "Oops, I'm sorry, I meant to grab the pole, not your boobs". R-i-g-h-t. Cramped spaces also mean no space to manouver. That means, if you're wearing a low neckline, and if the guys around you are tall, it means you're providing the guys with a free show. So ladies, please, if you need to wear that skimpy tank top but make a huge fuss about that unwittingly-performed peep show for the men, remember to either charge the men for the performance, or to bring along a jacket or something to cover up. Even better, button up or wear something less skimpy.

Now let's add the infamous KL traffic to it...making a 20 minutes drive into a 1 1/2 hour bus ride torture. Oh, do add another hour to it if it's raining. People always seem to like to drive when it's raining. See, it's a great way to socialize and make friends. Why, after being next to that same white, beat-up Proton for the last hour or so...doesn't it make sense to wind down your window and make small talk? After all, you're gonna be there...he/she's gonna be there. No one ain't going nowhere. So everyone should just sit tight and make friends. People with coffee in the car earns brownie points of course. Now that's real friendship. See why now it's always bloody jammed in KL? Everyone here is so friendly! Everybody is friends. Aww...

For those in the bus, everyone else is everybody's friend too. Why, be regaled by aunties who've just finished their daily marketing screech about how they managed to haggle prices with so-and-so hawker. Need to do your marketing? Sit next to the aunties. Swap marketing tips. Voila! New marketing friend is made. Not into marketing? Then just watch in horrid fascination as their dead chicken's head flops out of the marketing bag, or take a deep breath and savour the smell of fish, sweat mixed with B.O. If you don't know what B.O is...go smack yourself.

The same applies when you take the LRT in KL. I don't care if it's the Star LRT, the Putra line...or the KL Monorail. You'll still end up with the same smells. Minus the fish of course. The fish is usually bonus smells - only to be experienced on special occasions. Worse, mixed together with the smell of sweat and B.O are those overpowering perfume that can knock people out like *wham!*. "1...2...3...4.....YERRRR....OUT!"

I swear, these perfumes are more deadly than the B.O. Probably used to cover-up the B.O. It's like when they were about to apply the perfume, they read this imaginary note on the bottle saying 'Don't dab, just pour' and proceeded to dump like half the bottle on themselves. How else can you explain the smell lingering for 15 minutes even after the moro...I mean, person wearing the perfume is gone? It's not so bad if it was Issey Miyake, or Pleasure, or some wickedly gorgeous perfume. No, it's usually some wicked perfume/ scented oil mixed together by wicked people in their attempts to kill half of earth's population by this subtle poisoning method.

This all probably explains why, given the choice, most Malaysians would rather selfishly drive their own car than to take public transportation. We all wanna live longer, so we drive our own car. BUT...but....to show that we do have a conscience, we sometimes carpool too. See how good we are? We ACTUALLY care.

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P/s, Public transport in KL isn't really that bad ALL the time. Just like, half the time. As I can attest to after my LRT ride this morning.

P/p/s, the part of the marketing aunties was true, though it happened a few years back. If I ever see them again, I'll stuff the fish down their throats.

- NEED....REAL SLEEP -

Lately I've been dreaming a lot. In my sleep, that is...not daydreaming. Though I admit I do that quite often too. Anyway, not only do I dream, I dream-hop a lot.

Like, it'll just kill me to have ONE single, complete dream. NOO...I just HAVE to hop from one dream to another. Know how that feels like? Imagine watching 5 channels at the same time. Now keep switching channels every 15 minutes or so. What you'll end up with are totally irrelevant storlines and one confused person.

Two nights ago, I happily dreamt I was having a nice drink at a cafe with my one of my childhood good friend, Yeng Peng. [Yes gurl, you popped into my dream. Now stop freaking out. Keh.] Next thing you know, we're standing by a lake. Oh wait, standing IN the damn lake. . The lake turns into a marsh. Then a crocodile suddenly rushes out of the marsh charging at us.

Think this is weird? It gets weirder. I actually point my finger at the damn croc and yelled out " Expelliarmus". . When THAT didn't work, I yelled out "Imperio". Eventually the only spell that worked was "Riddikulus". Of course, like in all movies, the damn spell only worked at the crucial moment when the croc leapt for me.

I actually saw that damn croc turn into a dalmation in slow mo. I watched in horrible fascination too as that big-a** dalmation fell on top of me. Death by Dalmation. How novel. Maybe it'll catch on as a fad too.

Oh fine, I was just making this last part up. I woke up just as the damn dog fell on me. . GAH. The point is, why the heck am I yelling out Harry Potter spells in my dreams??? Chooks, maybe this is a sign reminding me to return your Harry Potter books. THAT, or maybe God's telling me I'm supposed to appear in the next film. *preens self*

Dammit. Why can't I dream of having a hunk harem instead huh? Lol. Remind me to ask God next time I pray.

p/s. I just noticed I keep saying 'damn' in this post. Hmm. Oh well.